‘Will surgery make me feel better about myself, or is it just a temporary fix before I find something new to worry about?’

Question

For as long as I can remember, I've been stuck in a battle with body dysmorphia. It's like living in a funhouse mirror world where what I see doesn't match up with reality.

Just as I started to feel like I was finally making some progress with my therapy, an unexpected development occurred – I received an inheritance. This turn of events has shifted the notion of cosmetic surgery from a mere fantasy to a tangible opportunity that I find myself seriously considering.

To be clear—I'm not aiming for a total overhaul. I’m not talking about reality TV-style transformations here. I've got a few tweaks in mind that I think could help ease the constant unease I feel about my looks.

Despite all the work I've done to fight the mind games my brain plays about my body, this feels like an opportunity I can't just ignore. It's a real dilemma, though. On one side, I see how these changes could boost my confidence and happiness. But then, there's this nagging worry about the risks and the chance I might just be feeding into the same old toxic thought patterns. I’m worried that if I start to change my appearance I won’t want to stop.

The questions just keep piling up. Will surgery make me feel better about myself, or is it just a temporary fix before I find something new to worry about? Am I trying to change for me, or am I just caving into what I think society wants me to be? Then there's the aftermath to consider.

Will I be happy with what I see in the mirror, or will it just kickstart a never-ending hunt for imperfections? And how's all this going to play out for my mental health down the line? I've been on this path of figuring myself out and healing, and now I'm looking for a bit of wisdom.

I'd really value your input on this. Any advice or thoughts you could share while I'm at this crossroads would be really helpful as I’m not sure what the right course of action is.

Answer

I understand the challenging position you find yourself in. Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) influences our relationship with how we look and BDD goes beyond mere vanity or shallow concerns. It's a significant disorder that can profoundly impact your daily interactions and comfort in society.

Nevertheless, with the right therapy and support network, managing BDD's symptoms, lessening the distress it brings, and enhancing your life quality are achievable goals. Some approaches concentrate less on physical looks and more on fostering self-acceptance and kindness.

A key characteristic of BDD is the overwhelming urge to constantly check your reflection or completely avoid mirrors, and efforts to conceal or correct perceived imperfections using makeup, or undergoing cosmetic surgeries.

Unfortunately, these actions only offer fleeting relief for some people, and the dissatisfaction remains. It's important to note that to someone on the outside, your worries might appear baseless, as they often can't see the defects that cause you such anxiety.

This gap in understanding can lead to feelings of loneliness and being misunderstood, which is common among those with BDD. The Body Dysmorphic Foundation do great work in educating and supporting people with this condition. Connecting with others who understand this condition is so important in terms of our ability to stay committed to change.

The choice is of course yours to make. If you choose to spend this money on cosmetic procedures you do need to be aware of the risks involved. There are no guarantees that you will get the results you are looking for and there are potentially harmful side effects from surgery.

However, some people do feel better after changing their appearance. For people with BDD this is far more complicated. As your perception of your looks may be distorted in the first place is changing them, going to make that better or worse? I suggest taking some time to go deeper into understanding this condition, with an experienced therapist and support groups, before you commit to permanently changing your appearance.

Reflect on the long-term implications of this decision. Could the money be better spent on experiences like travel, investments like a house deposit, or pursuing creative projects? Just consider broadening the spectrum of ways you can feel good. A good phrase to remember is “Perfect is the enemy of good”. It is often used to describe how people can get caught up in making things perfect and — as a result — never feel good.

References

• ocdireland.org/body-dysmorphic-disorder/

• bddfoundation.org/

• priorygroup.com/blog/the-risks-of-cosmetic-surgery-for-body-dysmorphic-disorder-patients

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