She is the picture of elegance, gliding over hostile, steep and lava-strewn terrain, as if on a shopping spree along Boulevard Haussmann. Our bright orange ‘No Limits’ Tenerife Walking Festival T-shirts turn me into a giant icepop; it adorns her slim figure like a piece of haute couture. Glossy curls tumble from the artfully slouched safari hat and our other festival handout – a neck tube – skilfully anchors everything together. I prepare to hate...
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