Plant yourself down at The Orchard

This is no ordinary garden centre - it is a garden centre on steroids

The large, airy café at The Orchard garden centre in Celbridge, Co Kildare PIc: Maura Hickey

Café at The Orchard

Dublin Road, Celbridge, Co Kildare

01-6288903, the orchard.ie

Chef: Simon Collins

Here, in no particular order, are just some of the approximately 7,942 things that I would rather do on my day off than go to a garden centre:

● Give myself a leg wax with the cheapest, nastiest-looking kit I can find in the chemists;

● Take tea with Donald Trump;

● Read one of those I Talk ...