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The Spice Girls, from left, Melanie Brown, Melanie Chisholm, Emma Bunton and Geri Horner: how do they compare? PIc: PA

Comparisons are odious – just don’t tell the Spice Girls, because they’re about to hear a lot of them

I’m glad for everyone who is excited that the Spice Girls are back, but I’ll tell you something: their return hit me with a mild feeling of foreboding. If the Spice Girls are back, then you know what else is back? Spice Girls comparison rituals. I’m only human, after all – and if you put a girl group in front of me, I’ll do what any sane female familiar with the 1990s does and immediately kick off with the comparisons. I’ll pore over their comeback pictures and be all,“Who got fat? Who lost weight? Who has aged? Who has gone overboard on the Botox? Who didn’t need it? Wow, doesn’t Emma Bunton look well?”. I’ll even include Victoria Beckham – the one Spice Girl who has refused to return for the reunion – in the comparison game and I might even Google her just to check how she’s getting on these days, even though the answer, as we all know, is very well indeed, having only become a world-famous designer who’s also married to David Beckham.

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