Appetite for Distraction: Yes, I am most certainly enjoying this lovely massage. It’s not torture at all

In which Emer McLysaght neglects to ask for what she wants – or say what she doesn’t want – in spas, hotels and hairdressers across the nation

16th February, 2020
Appetite for Distraction: Yes, I am most certainly enjoying this lovely massage. It’s not torture at all
‘Her ‘gentle’ circular motions down my upper arms were like being run over by a combine harvester.’ Picture: Getty

I’ve never had a massage. Well, not on purpose anyway. The very notion of a stranger touching me all over while I lie there in a pair of paper knickers trying not to breathe too much is essentially my idea of hell. I’ve had accidental massages though. They’re often tacked onto less invasive ‘treatments’ I’ve booked in an effort to gain access to a hotel spa for a half a day of enforced relaxing....

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